Disconnected

Today, I had my first few mouthfuls of pfeffernuesse for the season. And ohmyword were they wonderful!!! It's crazy how I get all warm and fuzzy when I eat them. It happens when I eat any Mennonite food, really. I just feels good--like home. But for the first time, they also made me a bit melancholy.

Mondays are meeting days at work. This morning, one of the owners started the meeting with a question: "Who has a favorite Christmas food?" I didn't give anyone else a chance to even think about their answers before I blurted out, "ME!!!" And what did I say? Why, "Kielki," of course. And everyone looked at me like I was nuts. They asked me what was in it, and what else we ate with it. I used words like "zwiebach" and "pfefferneusse" and all I got were blank stares. Even Becky, the German Baptist, asked of zwiebach, "Is that just bread?" I almost died.

And yesterday, I went to a Christmas concert by the Fresno County Youth Choir, where FPU's choir was guest-performing. I heard a few of the songs that the choir had done while I attended, and it took me right back there. I saw names in the program like Jansen and Nachtigall and got really sad that I don't have those people in my life anymore.

I MISS that part of me. I know it's good to celebrate diversity and everything, but sometimes I just want to be with someone who knows how great it is to get the "brown paper bag" after the Christmas Eve service at church. I don't want to have to travel over 3 hours just to get a little taste of home. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who doesn't contribute to the Mennonite food fest at the holidays. Allison makes cinnamon rolls, Steph makes poertzelki, Jill makes pfefferneusse, Cheri makes zwiebach... I just eat. So it's not like I can just whip something up when I'm feeling a little nostalgic. Sigh.

Please don't try to cheer me up or give me advise. I'm not looking for that. (I'm holding up two fingers, Mom.) I'm just sharing what's on my heart this holiday season.